How to be "cool" in todays generation

by Jaeger B

Class Period: 2

Part 1 - WARNING: Following this part of the guide will ruin all aspecrts of your life in retrospect, but it will make you popular in school, so it's totally worth it.

Well, hello there sir or ma'am! It looks like you've come to seek out and unravel the mysteries on how to be popular in 8th grade! Fear not, stranger, for I am here to tell you about the two types of "cool". First, there's the short run category, which the popular kids in school usually fall under, and the type I will be covering first. Secondly, there's the long run category, which you will not find many people in.

  • Short run popularity:
To get into this category, you will need to act fast, preferably during the first day of school. Seek out the group of people that look like they are above everybody else. You can usually noice them easily by listening to what they say to hter people. If they are usually spouting insults and the like, then congradulations, you've found the right crowd! You will now need to befriend them. This can usually be accomplished by being mean to innocent strangers while in earshot of said group. They will gladly accept you as a cronie and allow you access of their friendship ring. Now that you're friends with them, you now need to step into the drama pool, to keep your friendship intact. Start off small by demoralizing your other friends and random strangers. Good tactics involve poking fun at said persons hair, clothes, looks, race, ect, and making false accusatgions of their sexual orientation. You know you'll be doing it right when you start to recieve referals and trips to the principal's office. If and when this does happen, deny everything and back to authority figures. Hopefully when you get suspended, you're parents will want to lecture you about how they're worried about who your becoming. Back talk them and don't care about anything they say. Go to your room and text all your friends about how much you hate your parents. Following 9th grade, agree with your friends to drop out of highschool, where you will probably not get a job, but your still popular with your friends, so that makes it worth it, RIGHT?
  • Long term popularity
You definately will not find a lot of people in this category. Follwonf these steps are simple, though. First, you need to find some friends, friends who like you for who you are, not for your clothes or looks. Friends who have good morals and don't judge you based on outside factors are good people to look for. Once you find the friends you like, stick with them, and don't be bothered by what anyone says. Treat others how you would want them to treat you. Get good grades so that you can get into a college you like, because nothing is more important in today's day and age than a good education. Do good in school and find friends that like you for your personality, that's really all there is to it. People will want to remember your personality, not how popular you were, and that, my friends, is how to be truly popular.